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Divorce HelpDate: May 23, 2013 2:59 PM What Dad's New Relationship Means For Adult Children of Divorce
There are new study results from the Center for the Demography of Health and Aging University of Wisconsin-Madison about divorced fathers and their relationships with adult children. Using data from 2000, 2002, 2004 and 2008 the study extends the existing literature on post-divorced fathers and their relationships with adult children. Specifically, the study contrasts late to midlife divorced fathers and their relationships with their adult children from a prior marriage or relationship after they have entered into a new relationship. ...Date: May 20, 2013 6:10 PM The Bad Business of MarriageTo sign or not to sign? What to know before you say 'I do' to a premarital agreement. Date: May 19, 2013 3:01 PM Making Assumptions: A Good Way to End up in Divorce Court
I heard a young bride say, shortly after taking her wedding vows, 'now he can never leave me.' The woman had actually been struck dumb by her wedding vows! But, I think a lot of folks are. Once those vows are made it is easy to assume that you are both on the same page as far as making the marriage work. ...Date: May 15, 2013 12:53 PM When You Can't Depend on a Court Order
When going through the divorce process there is a lot of effort put into negotiating a divorce settlement that is fair to both parties. I learned from personal and professional experience that regardless of how fair a settlement is, there are those who feel a court order does not pertain to them. ...Date: May 12, 2013 4:00 AM The Case of The Runaway Spouse
The day before my ex-husband left our marriage I would have bet everything we owned that our marriage was stable and would last. Good thing that bet didn't happen! Over the years I've learned that being caught off guard by a spouse's desire to divorce is common place. Many, many people are left holding the emotional baggage after a spouse walks away or, in some cases runs away from the marriage. ...Date: May 10, 2013 7:16 AM Why Is Jason Hoppy Still Wearing His Wedding Ring?
In an interview with People Magazine Bethenny Frankel expressed bewilderment over the fact that her soon to be ex, Jason Hoppy is still wearing his wedding band. 'It's an interesting choice,' she said. 'And I don't understand it, about the ring.' I thought I'd take this opportunity to help Bethenny understand. He is wearing his ring because he is still emotionally attached. He is wearing his ring because it represents something that still holds meaning for him. Unlike you, he is still invested emotionally in his marriage to you. He is still wearing his ring Bethenney because unlike those who make the decision to divorce, those that are left need time to process the end of a marriage and relationship that was of the upmost importance to them. That ring is his final connection to someone that was important to him...YOU. For this reason I suggest you put serious thought into what you say about your marriage and your husband in the press, before you say it. Out of respect for him and your child, step back and do the right thing. Stop talking about how miserable you were with a man who, from all appearances was deeply in love with you. Stop belittling the father of your child. A child who will one day grow up and read what you are now saying. Please, just stop!
Date: May 8, 2013 11:15 AM Finding Divorce Support OnlineWhen going through a divorce you not only need the support of a competent divorce attorney, you also need emotional support from friends and family. In some instances the most valuable support you can find is that offered by people who have or, are going through a divorce themselves. Here at About Divorce Support you will find comprehensive information on the legal , financial and emotional aspects of divorce. We are aware of your need for more than information during the divorce process. You also need the support of others who have and are experiencing similar issues in their lives. Therefore, not only do we offer helpful information, we offer a community of support. Our Divorce Support Forum is a convenient, non-threatening way to meet others with similar interests and find support during a stressful time in your life. We hope you will join our community and share you story. Join in a Forum Discussion or, Start One of Your Own:
Date: May 3, 2013 10:31 AM How to Gain Strength, Courage And Confidence During Divorce
Divorce means change, a HUGE change and along with that change comes fear. Fear that you won't be able to make it on your own. Fear that your children will suffer negative effects from the divorce. Fear that you won't be able to make it financially. Fear that you will live the rest of your life as a single person. Fear that you will fail in your next relationship. ...Date: April 25, 2013 8:03 AM Parental Alienation Awareness Day: A Few Facts
1. According to Judith Ray, a licensed family therapist in Colorado Springs, an attempt to alienate a child from his/her parent is not a gender specific issue. Mothers and Fathers both engage in the behavior. ...Date: April 23, 2013 8:37 AM Avoidant Personality Disorder: What Their Avoidance Can Mean For You
Are you married to someone with avoidant personality disorder? I was and I spent a lot of time focused on what his avoidance of conflict and intimacy in our relationship was doing to him. It wasn't until after we divorced that I began to pay attention to what it had done to me. ...Date: April 20, 2013 2:50 PM Children and Divorce: Not So Tough, Durable and Resilient?
I'm always puzzled by parents I talk to who believe their children are 'resilient' and will bounce back and do well after a divorce. These are people who are barely holding it together due to marital problems but, for some reason they give their children more credit for being able to handle a negative situation than they give themselves. ...Date: March 28, 2013 2:42 AM Why a Stranger's Marital Advice Can Be Most HelpfulSome compelling reasons to reach out in a new direction for help Date: January 20, 2013 10:50 PM Can Therapists Actually Cause Divorce?One Change Can Lead to Another (and Another...) Date: December 9, 2012 1:12 AM I’m Dreaming of a White-Knuckle Christmas: There are many simple ways to avoid feeling bad on the holidays. This articles spells many of them out. Date: July 30, 2012 5:43 PM Where Are You on the Divorce Stress Scale?I think it’s fair to say that divorce is a stressful event in one’s life. For some, it is the most stressful event they will ever experience. Date: June 22, 2012 2:40 AM What If Divorcing People Had a Good Temporary Housing Alternative?People leaving drug or alcohol addiction treatment have the option to go into what’s called, “transitional housing.” I have often dreamed of buying a property and converting it into transitional housing for people who are divorcing. Date: May 6, 2012 1:32 PM How Do You Know If Your Soon-to-Be-Ex-Spouse Is Hiding Money?Whenever a divorcing client comes in and tells me that their spouse has said, “We don’t need lawyers,” I become wary. When that other spouse is self-employed, I become downright suspicious. Date: April 1, 2012 12:30 AM Single Mother Wants to (Ad-)Opt OutAn international news story broke Saturday about a woman in China who wants to give her two-month-old infant boy up for adoption, for free, due to her impending divorce from the boy’s father. Date: February 27, 2012 2:00 AM Is There a Right Time or a Wrong Time to Leave Your Spouse?Those who have contemplated divorce for a long time have been stuck in what I call the Marital Indecision CycleTM. This is the cycle wherein couples live in a relatively calm routine but, due to hurt feelings or a buried resentment resurfacing, for example, tensions begin to escalate. Date: February 1, 2012 2:18 AM Want to Know the Number One Way to Save Money in a Divorce?I don't know anyone who likes to spend their hard-earned money on a divorce. And divorce is incredibly expensive with attorneys charging upwards of $300 or $400 per hour, financial people charging thousands, and any other professionals needed adding to the long list of bills that make it feel like money is flying out the door. Date: January 8, 2012 6:57 PM Finding Out Your Spouse Is GayBeing left by a spouse who says that the marriage is over is difficult and coming to terms with the loss can be excruciating. But when the marriage is over because your spouse turns out to be gay, there is a whole different layer of thoughts and emotions to contend with. Date: December 11, 2011 11:28 PM The Holidays and Divorce: The Five Best Things You Can Do for Yourself (And Your Kids)The holidays are the most emotionally charged time of the year; if you like where you are in life, it's a magical time, but if you don't like your life circumstances, holiday time can be quite awful. To those of you who are divorced or divorcing, this can be an especially challenging couple of months. Here are some suggestions to get through this period a little bit better: Date: December 4, 2011 5:02 PM Knowing If You Should Stay or GoWhen trying to decide whether or not to end a marriage most people have at least some ambivalence. This ambivalence can be confusing and I often hear the contemplator say that he or she is waiting for a sign or waiting until the 'knowledge' that it's time to leave is present. Date: November 14, 2011 2:48 AM Would You Take Your Spouse Back?In my experience, when a person is the leavee, they often tell me initially they would take their spouse back if he or she wanted to come back to the marriage. This is true particularly when the spouse being left didn't see it coming and didn't think the problems in the marriage were 'that bad.' But then something interesting happens. Date: November 6, 2011 3:00 PM Is God Involved in Marriage and DivorceIn my last article, I wrote about some of the reasons people get married other than love. While most of those who responded thought the article had several good points, some told me in no uncertain terms that my ideas were not novel, and the religiously-minded readers were infuriated by my lack of focus on the holy nature of marriage. Date: November 3, 2011 1:20 AM Is There a Secret to "Happily Ever After?"Kate Schermerhorn is an Emmy Award winning filmmaker who contacted me after reading the 'Getting Marriage-Whys' article I posted a few weeks ago. She had many of the same thoughts I did about the role that marriage plays in our lives today. Date: October 5, 2011 11:17 PM Getting Marriage-Whys: What We Really Need to ChangeThis week in headlines, we heard that Mexico is introducing legislation that will potentially put time frames around marriage with the minimum contract lasting two years. There are now approximately 26 countries throughout the world that recognize civil unions, domestic partnerships and same sex marriages. Date: October 2, 2011 8:25 PM Three Divorces for the Price of OneWhen most of us hear the word divorce, we think of one process that involves tasks such as dealing with the local courts and getting a lawyer, sorting out finances and child custody issues and one or both spouses having to move to a new neighborhood. Date: September 11, 2011 11:13 PM So You're Married to An Addict: Is Divorce Inevitable? If you love an alcoholic or addict, you know how terrible the disease of addiction can be and you are indirectly impacted. If you are married to an addict or alcoholic, not only do you suffer from watching the person you love go down the tubes, you are directly effected. Date: September 5, 2011 12:20 AM Is There a Legal Action That Can Actually Prevent Divorce?Cora and John had been married for nine years and had no children. One night, they had a terrible argument over a financial issue that had been brewing for some time. John threw around the 'D' word like it was nothing, They had never gone to the level of animosity before. Date: August 11, 2011 12:36 AM If You Are Behind in Child Support, You Need to Watch This VideoIf you have been a deadbeat parent, next time you win a prize, beware! Date: August 10, 2011 2:24 AM One Woman's Story of Losing 200 Unhealthy Pounds in Her DivorceTen years ago, Nan (not her real name), told her then husband, Frank, that she wanted to remodel the kitchen. After over seven long months of hellish construction, Nan finally had the kitchen she'd always dreamed of. Just when she thought life was going to return to a sense of normalcy, she got the rudest awakening of her life: Frank announced that he wanted a divorce. Date: July 24, 2011 4:22 PM When Parents Make Children Their Friend or SpouseWhen my parents divorced, thirty years ago, my younger brother was the only one of the five kids who hadn't gone of to college yet. As the 'only child' at home, my mother leaned on him heavily and, as so many lonely parents do, she turned him in to her surrogate husband. Date: July 3, 2011 7:27 PM What choices do "none-agomous" couples have?Being held hostage in a sexless marriage is, to some, nothing short of torture. Sex is not only physically pleasurable, it is also an avenue for intimacy and emotional (and sometimes mental and spiritual as well) connection. It is a stress reliever when relationships are good but it can be the --cause--of tremendous stress when the relationship is not so good. Date: June 19, 2011 10:10 PM Bitter to the End Toward DadThis past week, on June 14th, my 79-year-old mother died. The good news is that in her last few hours, I watched her get to the place where she only had love in her heart. The bad news is that, even the day before her death, she was expressing ill will toward her ex-husband, my father. Date: June 5, 2011 4:21 PM Will the Future of Family Law Look Like Integrated Medicine?'Only people who have what you want can take you where you say you want to go.' ~ Pauline Tesler Date: May 29, 2011 4:18 PM Feeling Hatred Is Normal in DivorceWhen any relationship ends, it's not uncommon for one or both partners to feel intense hatred for the other at some point. Some people feel intense dislike for their spouse even before their marriage ends. Date: May 22, 2011 1:20 PM Are Affairs an Epidemic with Celebrities?It seems that the news has almost weekly reports of a famous couple who has experienced a breech in the marriage by one party or the other having extramarital relations. Today it's Arnold and Maria, last week it was Shania Twain's husband, before that Jesse James, Kelsey Grammar, John Edwards, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, etc., etc., etc. The list certainly seems endless. Date: May 15, 2011 2:58 PM Why Divorced Parents May Secretly Be Dreading SummerI recently discovered that many mothers and fathers actually dread summer for the mere fact that, without the structure of school for their children, they are left to fend for themselves. Date: May 8, 2011 3:17 PM Why Divorced Families Face More Challenges Today Than They Did 40 Years AgoI recently attended the Council on Contemporary Families (CCF) conference in Chicago and found it to be a very enlightening series of talks spanning two days on family trends. Speakers included representatives of the U. S. Census Bureau, authors and scholars, among others. The following are links that will help guide you through the divorce process:
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