Generally, a party filing a Complaint for Divorce must have lived in the state for at least one year prior to the filing.

In New Jersey, there are several "fault" grounds and two "no fault" grounds. With regard to the fault grounds, they are adultery, desertion, extreme cruelty, separation, drug addiction, habitual drunkenness, institutionalization, imprisonment and deviant sexual conduct. The original "no fault ground" was living separate and apart for eighteen months. As of January, 2007, an additional "no fault ground" was added – "irreconcilable differences". The only requirement is that you need to state that there has been a breakdown of the marriage for a period of six month and there is no prospect of reconciliation.

Separation for 18 consecutive months (called a No-fault divorce), adultery, sexual desertion for a period of at least 12 months, habitual drunkenness or voluntary addiction, imprisonment, institutionalization or extreme mental cruelty.

Although there are 8 different grounds for divorce in New Jersey, the most frequently cited grounds for divorce include (1) extreme cruelty; (2) separation for 18 months in different habitations with no reasonable prospect for reconciliation, and (3) adultery.

The Court does not take into consideration the fault of one party or the other when determining economic issues. There are exceptions in some cases, and that is that while adultery is no factor with regard to equitable distribution or child related issues, it may be a factor, in some cases, in determining alimony. Again, this is the exception as opposed to the rule.

If both of you agree to wait 18 months from the date of your physical separation, then you can have a "no-fault" divorce - you won't have to specify a cause for the divorce. Otherwise, you will need to include a paragraph in your divorce papers that states why the court should honor the request for a divorce. You must choose from the list, below, and elaborate on it.

1. Adultery
2. Desertion
3. Extreme cruelty
4. Separation
5. Addiction or habituation
6. Mental illness
7. Imprisonment
8. Deviant sexual conduct

It may be said, in general, that the more cooperative the spouses are, the faster the divorce can be accomplished. However, even if the spouses are cooperative, if they have a very complicated financial situation with substantial assets, a longer time frame may be necessary in order to appraise assets and to make other determinations. Of course, if issues are contested, and if there are substantial issues at stake, the case could go on for a number of years. The converse is that if the parties are cooperative and if there are no substantial issues to be contested, same can be obtained relatively quickly.

Although this is one of the most frequently asked questions by clients contemplating divorce, it is also one of the most difficult to answer. Once the divorcing parties reach an agreement as to all of the issues in their case, an uncontested divorce hearing can usually be scheduled within a matter of weeks. Of course, in some divorces the parties can reach a settlement in a very short period of time; in other cases, the process can last for months to over a year.

The cost of a divorce will ultimately depend upon the number of hours the attorney must spend representing his client. Representation may take the form of attending Court appearances, drafting legal pleadings, required financial disclosure documents, motions, letters, and telephone calls with both the client and the opposing attorney. It is therefore usually impossible for an attorney to inform the client at the start of the case how much his or her legal fees will ultimately amount to.

No. Even when uncontested, it would be unethical and improper for one attorney to represent the interests of both husband and wife.

Ultimately, the spouse does not need to consent to the divorce. Although, with regard to the fault grounds, you would need to prove the cause of action for divorce in order to obtain the divorce, (that is, for example, if your spouse committed adultery, you would need to prove this to the Court if you are claiming divorce on the grounds of adultery), once eighteen months passes, either party would be entitled to have a divorce without the consent of the other. Accordingly, the issue of consent is never an issue, unless someone wants to have the divorce in a faster period of time than eighteen months.

If the parties agree on all aspects of the divorce, it is still recommended that you seek the assistance of an attorney to review all documents and make sure the agreement is fair. Unfortunately, many people sign an agreement only to later realize that it does not truly reflect their understanding of the resolution of all issues.

No. In fact, most cases are not determined by trial and are settled sometime along the way, either by the lawyers themselves or with the assistance of a mediator, or through the use of a Matrimonial Early Settlement Panel.

The person who files for the divorce must appear in court. The spouse is not required to appear, personally - he or she can be represented by his or her attorney. However, it is strongly recommended that both of you, and both of your attorneys, appear in court, just in case there are any technicalities that arise that would need an immediate answer. If you are not there to answer the question, your hearing could be postponed, or decisions could be made without you.

This is a program run through the Court system that attempts to settle all issues involved in the dissolution of a marriage prior to a trial. Family Law Attorneys take turns as panelists to hear contested cases that are brought in on a designated day. The attorneys for each of the spouses will appear before the Matrimonial Early Settlement Panelists and present all issues. In most cases, the panelists will have reviewed an MESP Memo and therefore will have some familiarity with the issues. The Panelists will make their recommendations as to how they believe the issues should be resolved. This is then presented by the attorneys to their clients and assuming the recommendations (or modified recommendations) are accepted, in most cases the parties would immediately proceed to a Judge and the divorce can then be obtained on that day. If the matter does not settle at the MESP, in most cases, a trial date would be set on that day.

Mediation in the area of divorce law has become very popular. A good mediator can help the parties that are generally cooperative come to an amicable agreement with very little attorney participation. In mediation, the mediator will assist the parties in getting all pertinent information together and help them evaluate that information. This would include, but not be limited to evaluation of assets, determination of custody issues and every other issue that needs to be determined. Once the parties are in general agreement, the mediator or a lawyer, specifically retained by the mediator for the parties, would draft either a Memorandum of Understanding or a Property Settlement/Separation Agreement. Then each party can take that agreement or memorandum to their own lawyers for review and discussion. Once approved, the Agreement can be signed and then one attorney or the other can do what is necessary in order to obtain the divorce for the parties. The role of the attorney, while important, is very limited and thus there is a substantial savings in legal fees.

If a settlement cannot be reached, the case will ultimately be scheduled for trial before a Superior Court judge. The judge will make determinations as to all unresolved issues including equitable distribution, custody and visitation, and child support and alimony.

While this depends upon the unique facts and circumstances of your individual case, the vast majority of New Jersey divorce cases are ultimately resolved through settlement rather than trial, and the Family Court system itself is designed to encourage settlement rather than litigation.

A document is filed with the Court Clerk's office called a "Complaint". After it is filed, it is served upon the other spouse. The other spouse can then file another pleading called an "Answer" or an "Appearance." Together, these documents will allow the parties to come before the Court for a determination. Many times, all issues have been resolved by the parties amicably, either between their attorneys or with the assistance of a mediator. Thus, once the Complaint is filed and a default is taken, the divorce is then granted quickly. Other times, the filing of the divorce Complaint is only the beginning of the action and the beginning of a long road to determine all issues involved in the divorce.

While it is not mandatory that you hire an attorney, in most cases, it is beneficial to have an attorney represent you because issues arising out of any marriage tends to be complex. For most people, this is the only time they will have gone through a divorce. They do not know the general principals of divorce law or the procedures. It is emotionally draining and totally unknown to that person. It therefore makes sense to have an attorney who has experience to guide you through this period of your life.

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The short, technical answer is No. BUT, you are strongly encouraged you to use attorneys in addition to your mediator... for any legal questions that you might have, to review the terms of your agreement, to file your case with the courts, and to accompany you when you appear in court. Some decisions in a divorce can be quite difficult, and it is best to have a few sources of opinion. Getting divorced is one of your few major life actions. You want to be sure that all of the legalities are proper. Both of you cannot share an attorney. An attorney is not allowed to represent both sides of a case. Also, in New Jersey, one person cannot act as both your mediator and as your attorney. If you were to choose an attorney to handle your mediation, you would have to find another attorney to file your papers. Normally, you do not need an attorney when you begin mediation, but you don't want to wait until the last mediation session to select an attorney. Your attorney is part of your support team, for answering legal questions and for confirming anything that you question. Please note: If you suspect your spouse is hiding or disposing of assets, or if abuse is involved, you should seek the help of an attorney immediately, regardless of whether you will be using a mediator.

There is no single, easy answer to this question. How to handle this varies from child to child. You will have to figure out the best approaches to take with each of your children. I want to encourage you to ask your therapist or to seek out a child therapist to help you find an appropriate approach.

Perhaps this article, titled Parting Words, at www.reporternews.com/2001/features/part0610.html might help.

Mediation is a problem solving method in which a neutral and impartial third person (the mediator) helps the couple to resolve the difficult issues involved in separation and divorce.

Mediation is for

• Married couples who have made a decision to divorce
• Married or unmarried couples who want a separation
• Domestic partners who want a separation
• Divorced or separated couples with post divorce or separation disputes

Mediation is confidential, informal and much less expensive than conventional divorce processes. Mediated divorces are successful divorces because the couple (and not the attorneys or the judge) makes the final decisions about their future arrangements. When both parties agree to work together toward a common goal, time, money and emotional costs are considerably less than those of a typical contested divorce.

In a successful divorce or separation, you will

• Save thousands of dollars in legal fees
• Emerge from the divorce with your self respect intact
• Save months and possibly years of legal warfare and delays
• Continue to co parent your children
• Be able to move forward with your life
• Be committed to following your agreement with your "ex"
• Have methods for solving parenting or financial problems with your "ex" after the divorce or separation is final

I meet with both of you in my comfortable and private office. As your mediator, I will help identify the issues and possible solutions to those issues that you need to resolve for a successful divorce or separation. Typically these issues include a parenting plan, child support, alimony and division of your assets and liabilities. You will be guided through the decision making process to create agreements that work for both of you. After you have reached an agreement on all relevant issues, I prepare a detailed written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (the "MOU"). After you are satisfied that the MOU accurately sets forth your agreement, you bring it to your respective attorney for review. The MOU then forms the basis for the Property Settlement Agreement, which is filed with the court. If you are wondering if mediation is right for you, call 908-608-1414 or e-mail jkuskin@earthlink.net to arrange for a free 30-minute consultation for you and your spouse or partner.

A mediator helps the parties make their decisions. A mediator might offer creative alternatives to help you decide, but he or she does not make any decisions for you. An arbitrator, on the other hand, does make decisions for you. Each of you will discuss your issues, and then the arbitrator will present what he or she feels is the best solution. Usually, the parties agree ahead of time that they will be bound to the decisions of the arbitrator.

The issues to be decided for a separation are very different than those for a divorce.

If you have agreed to divorce but you are separating for a while before the divorce, you will need to agree on issues related to finances and to parenting, to be in place until your divorce hearing. The mediator can help you identify the issues that need to be agreed upon, and help you negotiate those terms.

If you are separating for a while in order to determine IF you want to get divorced, then an entirely new set of issues is involved. The separation period needs to have a process in place that is aimed at helping you determine the answer to the big question: "Do I really want a divorce?" If you simply live apart just to see what it's like, it is my observation that you will end up getting divorced.

In almost all cases, mediation takes much less time than litigation. Divorce mediation can take from three to fifteen sessions depending on each couple's commitment to the process and the complexity of the parenting and financial issues to be decided. Typically each mediation session lasts 90 minutes. We usually meet once a week or every two weeks until all decisions are completed. Each couple determines the pace and rate of progress.

The pace is set by you. There is not a preset number of sessions. It depends upon (1) the complexity of your situation, (2) how prepared each of you is for making decisions, (3) how well you communicate with one another.

For example, certainly there are more decisions to be made if you own a home rather than rent one. And, if young children are involved, the time is almost doubled. There are many decisions to be made concerning your children. Almost all of the decisions are easy to make, but there are lots of them, and they take time.

1. Basic information:
    Full (and maiden) names of all family members.
    Addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses.
    Marriage date, and birthdays of all family members.
    Social security numbers.
    Education, occupation, employer, income, benefits.
    A photo of your family
2. Assets & Liabilities:
    House: Approximate current market value. An appraisal is not needed at the first meeting.
    Mortgage: Mortgage company, account number, balance, date of balance.
    Bank accounts: Bank name, account name, account number, balance, date of balance.
    Investments: (details)
    Retirement and pension plans: (details)
    Non-term life insurance: Company, policy number, beneficiary, current cash surrender value.
    Loans: (details).
    Credit cards: Bank, account name, account number, balance, date of balance (for every credit card, including those with a zero balance).
3. Documentation:
    Federal tax returns and W2's for last 3 years.

Mediation can work for you if you are willing to look for a fair way to settle the issues that have to be decided. You don't have to be best friends to mediate. All you need is the willingness to have an agreement that you both can live with in the next phase of your life. Mediation gives you the opportunity to have your needs and wants discussed. Many couples find that mediation helps them to communicate better especially if they intend to co-parent their children.

Most mediation sessions are conducted with both of you present at the same time. However, there are times when it is advisable for us to meet in individual sessions. These individual sessions ( sometimes referred to as "caucuses" ) allow productive discussions to take place without the hostility that could develop between you and your partner. The matters that we discuss in these caucuses are confidential and will not be repeated to your partner or spouse unless you consent to their disclosure.

Mediation works for many couples even those who are very angry with each other. However, there are some situations when mediation is not a favorable alternative to litigation. For example, if you or your partner refuses to provide financial information about your joint assets or debts, a mutually acceptable division of property cannot occur. Or if you or your partner is unable or unwilling to make a decision, a fair and equitable agreement cannot be reached. Or if you do not feel free to speak your mind without fear of consequences, mediation cannot be successful.

Yes, unless the mediator learns of acts or threats of a dangerous or criminal nature that must be reported to the authorities, all discussions and offers of compromise and settlement made in mediation sessions are completely confidential. This means that if no final agreement is reached between you and your spouse or partner, the mediator is not permitted to disclose any of the communications made in connection with the mediation. Similarly, the mediator cannot be compelled to testify in court in a divorce action between you and your spouse. Most mediation sessions are conducted with both of you present at the same time. However, there are times when it is advisable for me to meet with each of you separately. The matters that we discuss in these individual sessions or caucuses are confidential and will not be repeated to your partner or spouse unless you consent to their disclosure.

• If one of you is unwilling to present all asset documentation, or is hiding any assets.
• If one of you has a goal of financially harming the other person.
• If one of you is unable to state what you need and negotiate while your spouse is sitting next to you. Sometimes, physically or emotionally abused people are best supported with an attorney.
• If one of you simply cannot make decisions or is unwilling to take responsibility for your decisions.

In fact, mediation is quite effective in situations where you might think otherwise. For example, if there is a lot of unrestrained anger, mediation is a much better alternative to using attorneys to litigate. Litigation tends to increase the anger, the threats, the attacks, while mediation tends to suppress them.

If a couple is already in a heated battle through their attorneys, totally switching over to mediation - midstream - is very effective in putting a halt to the aggression and helping the couple work together to resolve the issues more peacefully and more quickly.

The negotiation skills of each of you do not have to be equal. It is the mediator's responsibility to balance the negotiating and to protect each of you from being overpowered by the other.

The mediator would review your decisions with you, for two purposes:

1. Have you thought of everything? (For example, have you included a statement about survivorship rights in pension plans?)
2. Are there some alternatives to your decisions that you have not thought of?
3. Are your decisions equitable? (For example, an inheritance is not a marital asset, and you have the option of sharing it.)

Because you have written up everything yourself, your mediator would not need to write a Memorandum of Understanding. Instead, you could just edit your own document, based on the mediator's comments.

Disagreements can still arise after the divorce. Regardless of whether you used mediation before the divorce, mediation can still be used later. Perhaps one of you wants to change the amount of support being paid. Or maybe some item was omitted from the original agreement. The two of you are allowed to make decisions together without the use of lawyers or mediators or the court. However, if you cannot reach an agreement peacefully, then mediation probably will be able to help you.

The mediator prepares a very detailed document containing all of the agreements that the two of you make. This document is called a Memorandum of Understanding. It is anywhere from 5 10 to 15 pages. You would give this document to your attorney, and your attorney would prepare the necessary paper work to file your case with the courts. The time spent in coming to your agreements and the preparation of this document - done in mediation instead of through your attorneys - is where you are avoiding high attorney fees.

In New Jersey, one person cannot act as both your mediator and as your attorney. If you were to choose an attorney to handle your mediation, you would have to find another attorney to file your papers. Of course, you can file them yourself, but that is not recommended.

No. In New Jersey, the same professional cannot act as both your mediator and as your family law attorney. After you have completed your mediation sessions, I prepare a detailed document called a Memorandum of Understanding or MOU. This MOU describes all of the points and agreements that you reached in the mediation. It is usually about 10 pages long. One or both of you can give this MOU to your attorney for review. One of your attorneys will then use this MOU to prepare the necessary paper work to file in court. If necessary, your attorney may appear with you in court for a very brief appearance to finalize the divorce.

At the completion of the mediation, the mediator will prepare a document that details his/her understanding of what the two of you agreed upon. This is called a Memorandum of Understanding. It is not a contract, even though it might look like one. By state law, a mediator cannot write a contract for you. So, you would give the Memorandum of Understanding to your attorney, who would turn the Memorandum into a contract as part of your divorce filing.

No. The role of mediator is restricted to neutrality. The mediator cannot advocate or take sides for you or your spouse or partner. A mediator is not a substitute for having your own attorney. Your attorney's job is make sure that your legal rights are protected. Your attorney is trained to defend your individual interests under the law. This legal positioning may at times increase the conflict between you and your spouse or partner. The training to become an attorney and a mediator are very different. Mediators are professionals (from a variety of backgrounds) trained to act as neutral parties. The role of the mediator is to help the two of you communicate and reach an agreement. The mediator's role is to reduce the adversity and resolve the conflicts regarding issues of divorce and separation. Although the mediator may be familiar with divorce law (and in some cases is a divorce attorney for other couples in a conventional divorce), she or he may not offer legal counsel when mediating.

Since divorce involves legal questions, it is important for you to understand your legal rights before you agree to a settlement. In mediation, it is in each party's interest to seek independent legal counsel. The role of the attorney will be generally limited to providing legal advice, reviewing the agreements between you and your partner or spouse and preparing the legal documents to be filed with a court. It is important that the attorney you choose is "mediator friendly" and one that will not try to undo the work that you did in mediation. I can assist you in finding a "mediator friendly" attorney. If you so request, I am willing to speak to your attorney to clarify concerns that may arise in mediation. You are welcome to have your attorney accompany you to mediation sessions. Your attorney may provide you with guidance to resolve some of the necessary issues. However this may not be very cost effective because you will need to pay your attorney's hourly rate as well as the cost of the mediation session. Some couples prefer to do some independent legal research as well. It is best to follow up this research with legal review with a family law or matrimonial attorney before signing the agreement that resulted from mediation.

No. Unless mandated by a judge in a litigated divorce, mediation is completely voluntary. You and your spouse or partner is free to withdraw at any time and pursue your divorce through the traditional court system.

No. Mediation can occur at any point, before, during or after the separation or divorce. If you and your spouse or partner still have unresolved issues, it is not too late to begin mediation. Many couples begin mediation after they have been in litigation. They request that their attorneys put the process on hold while they explore whether resolution is possible through mediation.

Each of you will be hiring an attorney, in addition to your mediator. But your attorney's role is limited to providing legal advice, reviewing your agreement, preparing legal documents, and appearing with you at your hearing. Negotiations, though, are done with your mediator.

So, you'll have to interview attorneys to find one who you are comfortable with. You can interview attorneys in a telephone call. Some attorneys offer a free 1/2-hour consultation. Usually, you do not need to have your attorney in place before you begin mediation (unless immediate action is required in order to protect yourself physically or your assets from being drained away). You don't want to wait until the end of the process, either. I ask my clients to have their attorneys retained no later than half-way through the mediation process.

Here are some questions you can ask an attorney in a telephone interview:

1. How many divorces have you handled in the last year? [You must hire a matrimonial attorney!]
2. How do you feel about mediation? [Any negativity probably means you should call someone else.]
3. If we are using a mediator, what would your retainer fee be? [Should be between $1500 and $2500.]
4. What is your hourly rate? [Will probably be between $175 and $275.]
5. How do you charge for telephone calls? [Usually in 10- or 15-minute increments.]

Using the combination of attorneys and a mediator actually should be cheaper than using attorneys alone. If you were not mediating, the bulk of the attorney fees (probably 90%) would be from trying to resolve the issues between you and your spouse and making all of the decisions. But, that is the part that will be accomplished in mediation. So, you'd be paying your one mediator for that part instead of your two attorneys. And, the mediator will be less expensive because your negotiations will be much more efficient, using much less mediator time than you would have used attorney time - because the two of you are discussing the issues face-to-face.