Letting go of the grudge

It’s about to happen again – a family milestone. This time it’s the birth a grandchild. This should be one of the most joyous experiences. Notice the emphasis on the word “should”? Unfortunately the reality is that the grandparents are divorced and one of them is unable to let go of their bitterness towards the other.

When one person continues to hold a grudge after their divorce it poisons the whole family. Holding a grudges is known to be harmful to both physical and emotional well-being. It also has negative psychological effects on children.

So how does a person recover from divorce and rid themselves of a grudge? Here are a few suggestions to ponder:

  • Grieve the loss of the relationship. I know I seem to harp on this (see my previous blog entry) but I feel it’s really the first step in the recovery process.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. That doesn’t mean dumping on anybody that will listen. There are many divorce support groups ready to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on in a safe environment. Get professional counseling if necessary.
  • It’s rare that the demise of a marriage is 100% the responsibility of one person. It’s much easier to place the blame on the other person. Accept some responsibility. Clearly I’m not talking about abuse or addiction here.
  • The past is the past so don’t dwell on it. Learn from the divorce and look to the future.

Divorce is an intense, life altering experience. It’s painful and it can make you crazy but at some point in time it should be over. There are few things less attractive than someone who bashes their ex for years after the divorce is final.

So, for the sake of yourself, your children and your totally innocent grandchildren let it go.

This entry was posted in Divorce, Moving On and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply