Mourning Your Marriage

Mourning my marriageI read a press release this morning titled “Dating Websites Providing More Divorce Evidence Says Survey: Nation’s Top Matrimonial Lawyers Cite Match.com as Most Common Source” from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). It stated “If you are married, separated, or going through a divorce, you might want to make sure to fill out your online dating profiles as accurately as possible.” I understand when they make a statement like that they are coming from a legal perspective, looking out for the best legal interest of their clients. But still, I thought to myself, say what!?

If people are on dating sites while they are separated or worse yet, still married when will they mourn the loss of their marriage? I think back to my long drawn out divorce. I made my fair share of mistakes during that time. The biggest one was jumping right into another relationship.

I had known for quite some time that my marriage was over. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back was my ex’s brazen affair. In retrospect I think he also knew the marriage was over and didn’t know how else to get out. At the time I let myself believe that I had mourned for the lost marriage while I was still married so it was OK to start dating after filing for divorce. I ended up in a two year relationship which ironically ended before my divorce was even finalized. At the time I felt more devastated over that relationship ending than my 17 year marriage.

What I came to realize was that no matter how much I wanted or needed to divorce, it was a tumultuous and emotional time. I should have allowed myself the time to deal with those emotions and really mourn the end of the marriage. In the long run it would have been time well spent.

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