Sometimes during and after a divorce, people find themselves facing a task that the other spouse always handled. For example, the person who never paid the bills has to open new credit cards or refinance the house. Or the person who was not the primary care-giver needs to comfort a sick or unhappy child. With the marriage ending, both spouses have to do all the family jobs from financial management to childcare, and it can be overwhelming, especially in the beginning.
In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we advise our clients not to be afraid to ask for help –from family members, friends or outside professionals. As we work on the parenting and financial agreement for moving forward, many people worry about how they will be able to manage. After all, in most relationships, the responsibilities are shared to some extent. One person does the cleaning, while the other cooks. One person does the driving, while the other pays the bills. One person is the main financial earner, while the other is the primary child care provider. When you go from two people to one, each person has a lot more responsibility, and you should not expect that it will be easy to do it alone.
We recommend that divorcing couples seek assistance from outside sources or from their network of family and friends. For example, if you haven’t done any investing before, it may be worthwhile to consult a financial advisor. And you may need to rely on a babysitter to pick up some of the childcare duties. Asking for help is not a sign of defeat. Rather, it is often a necessary step towards getting you back on your feet and establishing a new routine.