Can you afford to get divorced?

Can You Afford to Get Divorced?
Westfield Mediation, LLC
©Copyright 2014

There are really two parts to the question — “Can you afford to get divorced?” One, can you afford to go through the process of separating from your spouse and two, can you afford to live on your own.

The process of getting divorced can be expensive. One way to minimize the costs is to go through divorce mediation. In mediation, instead of each spouse hiring a lawyer, they use one mediator to help them come to an agreement on issues of parenting, child support, alimony and distribution of assets and debts. The process saves time and money and allows for creative solutions. In addition, while lawyers may ask for a large retainer up-front, mediation is often “pay-as- you-go”, allowing you more financial flexibility. By using one less expensive mediator instead of two high priced lawyers, divorce mediation offers a cost-effective path.

Secondly, can you afford to – Continue reading

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When it rains it pours

We’ve all heard the saying “when it rains, it pours” and when you’re going through a divorce that’s often the way it feels. Personally, when I was going through my divorce it seemed like there were times when it was just one thing after another. I had to keep reminding myself that if I wanted to see the beautiful rainbow I had to endure the rain. After the storm the sun would come back out and just like magic there would be a rainbow. Hard as it may be, try to look at things in a positive light during this trying time in your life.

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There can be a silver lining in divorce

Life changing experiences such as divorce often gives the opportunity for a fresh start. Instead of getting caught up in bitterness or blame it can be a time of introspection, a learning experience. The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect. Both parties to divorce need to recognize their own shortcomings and mistakes and take responsibility for them. Once that is done it is easier to move on with the confidence that the same mistakes won’t be made again.

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Financial Challenges of Gray Divorce

Collaborative Divorce Attorney Linda L. Piff, answers the question “What are some of the financial challenges for those over 50 getting divorced?”linda piff collaborative attorney monmounth county nj

The challenges are due to the couple over 50 experiencing the”perfect storm” with the economy in a significant downturn and the couple nearing retirement. The couple who is over 50 does not have the same amount of time to recover from the economic downturn as the younger divorcing couples. The home may not have equity so it becomes difficult for the parties to move on and purchase another home. The retirement accounts may have lost Continue reading

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Using social media during divorce

social media and divorceSocial media helps people stay in touch with their friends, share experiences and photographs and exchange personal information online. For most people it has become a way of life. For those going through a divorce it can be an emotional and legal mine field.

On an emotional level it can be painful to see what’s going on in your ex’s new life through Facebook or Twitter posts. Even if you “defriend” or “unfollow” your ex, if you have mutual connections you may still get updates and status changes such as new relationship. Not only may it be painful to see, but it could cause a breakdown in settlement negotiations.

On a legal level you could hurt your case with a single post. According to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers “An overwhelming 81% of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years.” Additionally they state that “Facebook holds the distinction of being the unrivaled leader for online divorce evidence with 66% citing it as the primary source.”

Here are a few simple guidelines to follow if you use social sites during your divorce:

  • It can be very tempting in the heat of the moment to post pictures or information that should remain private or tweet derogatory comments without thinking through the repercussions. Those pictures that you think are funny might not be viewed that way by a judge. Worse yet, if you have children on social media sites they may be exposed to things that they should never see.
  • Don’t brag about that great vacation or beautiful new car you just bought. That type of information can have an effect on the financial outcome of your divorce.
  • Ask your friends not to tag you in any pictures without your permission. What may seem innocent to a person not going through a divorce can have a devastating impact for the divorcing person.

One solution is to take a break from social media during a divorce. For many that may not be the road they chose. For those who aren’t willing to give up their online presence the best advice is to think before you post.

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Nothing changes

nothing changes

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How A Custody Case Can Be Lost In 7 Easy Steps

By Jacqueline Harounian, Esq
Law Partner at Wisselman, Harounian & Associates, PC

As a family law attorney who regularly represents mothers and fathers in contested divorce trials, Jacqueline Harounian has very some straightforward advice for parents going through divorce, and who are contemplating a custody action.

From the outset, it is important for mothers and fathers to recognize that married parents of minor children start out with joint custody rights. This means that both parents have equal rights to their children, and the same right to pursue custody of their children in their divorce case. In a world where many households contain two working parents, and many fathers play an active role in raising their children, the presumption that mothers will automatically get custody no longer exists. In fact statistics show that fathers, who seek custody of their children, are awarded custody 50% of the time. Custody laws are gender neutral, and this means that when the facts of a given case are applied to the governing law, a court may determine that it is in the best interests of the child to live primarily with the father, not the mother.

Here is a list of the seven most common pitfalls of parties going through custody actions. If you want to lose your custody case, here is the way to do it. If you want to win custody, steer clear of the following:

  1. Not being the primary caretaker: In most households, one parent is most responsible for caring for the children’s basic needs — the so called primary caretaker. The parent who is the most involved in the children’s daily lives usually has the edge in a custody case. Therefore, if you are not putting in the time to do homework with your child, feeding, bathing, reading, taking him or her to the bus stop, you are at a disadvantage in a custody case. There is no better way to lose custody than to demonstrate to a judge that you are simply not engaged in raising your child.
  2. Not being involved in your child’s schedule and activities: Do you know the names of your child’s teachers? Have you ever supervised your child on a play date or taken your child to the doctor? Do you regularly attend school conferences and school events? If the answer to these is “no”, then it is an indication that someone else (i.e. the other parent) is the primary caretaker, not you.
  3. Alcohol, drugs, or other “parental fitness” issues: A parent who even casually partakes in abuse of alcohol and/or drugs will have a problem in winning custody. Most judges will take allegations of substance abuse seriously, and these allegations will be investigated thoroughly via random testing, psychological evaluations, and interviews. If you have an issue with substance abuse, then seek treatment for it immediately. If you are the perpetrator of domestic violence or abuse (which often goes hand in hand with alcohol use), this also pretty much guarantees that you will lose custody.
  4. Leaving a paper trail that will hang you in Court: Thanks to new technology, virtually every custody trial features the submission of evidence that can be used to portray the other parent in a very damaging light. Sometimes the continue reading
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Divorcing Baby Boomers

By Dr. Lynne C. Halem, Centre for Mediation & Dispute Resolution

The media is endlessly fascinated by the divorces of couples with long-term marriages. From Maria Shiver and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Al and Tipper Gore, the celebrity divorced set, to demographers’ estimation of the significant increase in divorce and separation among the general population of those in the fifty-plus age bracket, the stories keep coming. In part the fascination is related to the breakup of long-term marriages. People wonder why, after so many years of living together, individuals would even bother to divorce. Adult children are among the most vocal, perplexed and often angry, they decry their parents divvying up of assets after forty years of marriage. Why now, they ask? What’s the point? And, too, are we now responsible for taking care of mom? Of dad? Others, more detached from the actual divorce, worry on a national level about the increase in the elderly population living alone with assets and income already diminished by divorce.

We, too, at the Centre for Mediation and Dispute Resolution, are witnessing a rather dramatic surge in baby boomers and even older individuals who are now seeking divorce. Since mediation does not, and should not, delve into the reasons for a marital dissolution, we cannot shed any light on the causations of this trend or, in fact, help to explore its implications for society or for the delivery of social services to the elderly with diminished resources and no partners, as caretakers. Our focus is different. We, as mediators, need to consider the financial needs of the soon-to-be newly divorced and the ways in which resources can be stretched to finance living in two households. It is important to recognize that divorcing parties need to be “smart,” to really consider the impact of their financial decisions in order to structure an agreement that capitalizes on tax advantages, that analyzes the impact of future changes and options. A “cookie cutter” agreement may be quicker and even cheaper, but in all likelihood it will not help to provide long-term protections.

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The Intersection of Divorce Law and Mediation

The Intersection of Divorce Law and Mediation

Westfield Mediation, LLC
© 2013

If you filed for divorce, can you still do mediation? If you go through divorce mediation, do you still need a lawyer? We commonly hear these questions from potential clients. And the answers, for the most part, are yes, and yes.

Once you file a divorce complaint, you start the Court clock running. If you decide instead to try divorce mediation to save you and your spouse some time and money, you can pause the clock, so long as you inform the Court and your lawyers. Usually, the Courts prefer that people resolve their differences on their own, so they are happy to give you the time to do so, as long as you keep them informed of your plans, and you don’t let things drag on too long. If you and your spouse have started working with lawyers, those lawyers would not be able to mediate your divorce because of potential conflicts of interest. So you would need to find a divorce mediator to help you create an agreement.

What if you start with divorce mediation – would you still need to hire a divorce lawyer? Most likely, yes. Once you and your spouse have come up with an agreement in mediation, we recommend that each of you hire a “review attorney” to look over the document, make sure your legal rights are protected, and explain any of the legal consequences to you. The “review attorney” will then convert your agreement into the form that the Court wants, file the documents with the Court, and accompany you to the Court hearing. Many lawyers will do these tasks for a set fee, rather than their usual hourly rate.

So, why go through mediation if you will still need to hire a lawyer? Because divorce mediators…

View the entire article here: The Intersection of Divorce Law and Mediation
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Hiring a Divorce Attorney

You’ve made the decision to get a divorce. Now it’s time to hire a divorce attorney. More than likely you’ve never had to hire a divorce lawyer; maybe you’ve never had to hire any type of attorney before. So where do you begin?

Divorce can be complex so the attorney you choose has to be knowledgeable and experienced in the area of family law. What are the specific issues that your case will involve?hiring a divorce attorney

  • If custody is going to be an issue you will want someone who has handled child custody cases before.
  • If there are significant assets to be distributed, such as a family business you will need an attorney that specialized in divorce cases involving business valuations.

These are just two examples of areas of specialty within the practice of family law.

Another important part of the decision making is your comfort level. You will want to hire an attorney you are comfortable with and feel you can trust. Think about what you are looking for in an attorney.

  • Would you feel more comfortable working with a female or a male?
  • Does their age matter?
  • Do you want somebody who is very aggressive or more on the mellow side?

These characteristics may seem silly, but they all go towards your comfort level.

Let’s talk about free consultations. Many divorce lawyers offer a free consultation and that gives you the opportunity to meet with a few different lawyers before making your final decision. However, keep in mind that not all attorneys will offer a free initial consultation and those lawyers that do not shouldn’t be overlooked during your search. The fee they charge for the initial consultation may be the best money you ever spend if it means finding the right family law attorney for your case.

Read more on hiring the right divorce attorney for you…

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