Issue #51	October 2007
Know someone else going through the divorce process? If you think they could benefit from this newsletter feel free to pass it on in its entirety to them. "Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Don't wait."     - Mitch Albom from Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson Don't forget to mention DivorceHQ.com when contacting the divorce professionals listed on the site.
In This Issue: Explaining your divorce to your children Teacher Conferences Important to Divorced or Divorcing Parents     by Brian James, President of C.E.L Associates Read All About It! Divorce Humor New Attorney, Mediator and Divorce Services Members.
1. Explaining your divorce to your children As a parent there are few things harder to do then to tell your children that you're getting a divorce. Frequently children can sense the sadness and discontent that is often present in the home when there are marital problems. Research has shown that talking to children about an impending divorce is beneficial for them. By talking to the children, parents can help them understand the tension that they may have been feeling in the home. Explaining about divorce helps them to make some sense of what is happening in the family. Children tend to become accustomed more easily to a divorce when they have an idea about what is happening and the support of those they love. As difficult as it may be, it is usually best for the explanation to come from both parents. This approach minimizes the chance of one parent blaming the other, often not done on purpose. It also shows the children that their parents can work together when it comes to doing what's best for them. The way in which divorce is discussed with children will influence their reaction. Here's a checklist to follow when explaining your divorce to the children: Use words they understand to let them know how the family is going to change. Avoid saying things like "Daddy and Mommy don't love one another anymore." Children often hear that and think if parents stop loving each other they can stop loving them. Make sure they understand that both parents still love them and are not abandoning them. Make sure they understand that they are still going to spend time with both parents. Discuss the visitation openly with them and if age appropriate ask for their input. Reinforce to them that they are not the cause of the divorce. Make sure they understand that the divorce is between the parents, not the parents and the children. In other words don't drag them into it. Allow them to share their feelings and ask questions about the divorce (the actual divorce process, not the specific reasons for the divorce).
2. Teacher Conferences Important to Divorced or Divorcing Parents         by Brian James, President of C.E.L Associates When parents are going through a divorce or are divorced, usually one of them has little knowledge about what is happening in their child's classroom. Of course, most parents know that parent/teacher conferences are a great way for them to learn about their child's daily activities in school, whether the child is doing well or if their child needs help at home. Yet, many parents don't communicate with the teacher during this trying time in their lives, or just turn over this responsibility to the other parent. However, if you are divorcing or divorced from your spouse abdicating educational responsibilities is not in the best interest of your child. So---what can you do to avoid conflict with your spouse, yet remain actively involved in your child's education? Brian James, president of C.E.L. & Associates, an Illinois-based certified mediator specializes in pre and post divorce issues has some advice for parents that can be beneficial to their child. Make sure your child's teacher is the first one informed that there is a pending divorce or if a divorce has just occurred. "Your child spends more time in school than anywhere else, and this situation might have a negative affect on your child," he says. "At this time of year, most scheduled school conferences have past. However, all teachers are willing to have a conference with a parent at the parent's request. Find out what is happening with your child." If the parents are cordial to each other, they can attend the parent/teacher conference together. That way, both parents have the same information and can ask the same questions regarding their child's education. If only one parent attends, the other one is left in the dark. Unfortunately, in most divorce situations, this is exactly what happens. More often than not, sitting together with a teacher is virtually impossible due to the antagonistic and negative vibes radiating from each parent. This makes the teacher uncomfortable-and in this hostile atmosphere-you may not receive all the information you need to know about your child's academic achievements or non-achievements. Therefore, some advice on how divorcing or divorced parents should handle teacher/parent conferences. Ask the teacher to notify both parents what days and times are available for in-person or phone conferences. When necessary, schedule individual in-person or phone conference time with the teacher. This will alleviate divorced parents from having to be together, but at the same time, allow them equal time with the teacher. This results in each parent learning the same information about their child. If only one parent is meeting the teacher in person or having a telephone conference, take notes. Even if you and your ex aren't on speaking terms, sending him or her notes about the conference is in the best interest of your child. Both of you need to have the same philosophy and goals regarding your child's education. "No matter how much you and your ex dislike each other and want nothing to do with one another, you still have a child you need to parent together," he says. "School is where children learn. If the two of you aren't on the same page regarding the child's current education, then you are both unnecessarily harming your child's future education and well being." ABOUT THE AUTHOR Brian James, President of C.E.L Associates, focuses on helping divorcing couples end their marriage as amicably as possible. His organization handles mediations for all family and community disputes. They are conveniently located throughout the Chicago suburbs and offer services in Northern Illinois and Southern Wisconsin. Brian strictly adheres to mediation services that are professional and maintain the utmost confidentiality for all clients. Helping people resolve their disputes in a non-adversarial way, Brian saves wear and tear emotionally and financially. He can be contacted by phone at (312)524-5829 or or Visit Web Site
3. Read All About It! For online divorce books go to:DivorceHQ.com/onlinebooks.html
4. Humor The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times.".     - Unknown
5. Welcome to the following new         Attorneys, Mediators, Therapist/Counselors and Divorce Services members. California     Attorneys         Law Office of Thomas D. Nares - Carlsbad         Wilkinson & Finkbeiner - San Diego     Collaborative Org         Collaborative Family Law Group of San Diego - Carlsbad     Mediators         Daniel B. Eppler. Ph.D. - San Bernardino         Georgia Daniels, J.D., Mediator - Pasadena Connecticut     Attorneys         Heffernan & Associates - Hartford Florida     Attorneys         Ermel Law Firm P.A. - West Palm Beach         Fandino & Lopez, P.A. - Miami         Law Office of Richard C. Griesinger - Palm Harbor Georgia     Attorneys         Daniel W. Mitnick & Associates, P.C. - Alpharetta Maryland     Attorneys         Jack J. Shapiro, Attorney & Mediator - Baltimore         Law Office of Jennifer Lester - Baltimore Massachusetts     Attorneys         Massachusetts Family Law Group P.C. - Dedham         Malik & Cyr - Boston Minnesota     Attorneys         Cylkowski Law Office, P.A. - Eagan New Jersey     Attorneys         Mayro & Mayro, Attorneys at Law - Linwood         Michael J. Stein, Esquire - Mount Holly         Salvaggio Garbian LLC - Morristown     Mediators         Family Mediation Center of NY & NJ Inc - South River         Salvaggio Garbian LLC - Morristown         Alpha Center for Divorce Mediation - Doylestown New Mexico     Attorneys         The Childress Law Office - Albuquerque New York     Attorneys         Wisselman, Harounian &; Associates, P.C. - Great Neck     Mediators         Divorce Mediation of Long Island - East Setauket Oregon     Paralegal Services         Independent Paralegal Services - Portland Rhode Island     Attorneys         Slepkow Slepkow & Associates - East Providence Texas     Attorneys         Law Offices of Helene G. Parker - Lewisville         Law Office of Eric Williams - Kaufman         Law Office of Michael P. Granata - Dallas
To find an ATTORNEY in your state go to: www.divorcehq.com/attydir.shtml To find a MEDIATOR in your state go to: www.divorcehq.com/mediatordir.shtml To find OTHER DIVORCE RELATED SERVICES such as Family counselors and Therapist, Divorce Planners, Financial Planners, Paralegals and Accountants go to: www.divorcehq.com/servicedir.shtml To find Collaborative Organization in your state go to: www.divorcehq.com/collaborative_orgs.shtml To find a SUPPORT GROUP in your state go to: www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.shtml
Remember, we are not attorneys, therefore we can not answer legal questions. If you have a legal question, visit our Attorney, Mediator or Service Directories for the appropriate professional in your state.