Issue #42	September 2004
Know someone else going through the divorce process? If you think they could benefit from this newsletter feel free to pass it on in it's entirety to them. "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."     - Epictetus Don't forget to mention DivorceHQ.com when contacting the divorce professionals listed on the site.
In This Issue: Selling Your Home? What is a Mediation Strategist?     by Dr. Lynne C. Halem Read All About It! Divorce Humor
1. Selling Your Home? Selling your marital residence is often a major issue in a divorce. Should you sell your house? Hard as it may be this is a decision that needs to be made devoid of emotions. As a practical matter take into consideration whether or not it is financially beneficial to keep the home. If not and you do decide to sell here are a few tips to help you through the process. Time is money: Put your home on the market as far in advance as possible of purchasing a new one. Remember that when people buy and sell a home there usually is a domino effect. Closing and moving dates have to be coordinated, and the more firmly everyone commits to a window of dates and sticks to them, the better for all involved. Put all agreements about dates in writing, and protect yourself by negotiating financial penalties for failure to live up to the agreement. Check your curb appeal:A home that's visually appealing and in good condition will attract potential buyers. This is your home's first impression and it should be a good one! Here are a few things to look at: Are the lawn and shrubs well maintained? How are your sidewalks and foundation? Are they cracked? Does the driveway need resurfacing? Are the gutters, and chimney in good condition? Do the window casings, shutters, siding or doors need painting? Are garbage cans stored out of sight? Are lawn mowers, etc. properly stored? Is the garage door closed? On the inside: Probably the least expensive thing you can do to make your home appealing is to make sure it is clean. Windows, floors and bathroom tiles should sparkle. Make sure you have clean heating and air conditioning filters. Shampoo dirty carpets, clean tubs and showers, repair dripping faucets and oil squeaky doors. Keep your home neat, clean and picked-up at all times. It should not only be squeaky clean but it should smell fresh. You may be used to the smell of a pet or cigarettes, and not even be aware of them, but such odors can be offensive to others. Remove unnecessary clutter from the all areas of the home including the garage, basement, attic, and closets. Organize and straighten stored items. If your home is crowded with too much furniture, consider putting some things into storage. If a room needs a fresh coat of paint, use a neutral off-white. Be certain to Finally, set a mood for the buyer. Make your house homey with live flowers and fresh guest towels in the bathroom. For your own safety and peace of mind remove valuables such as jewelry and other items from view. It might be wise to put these items in a safe deposit box before you begin showing your home. Professional help: Unless you are willing to do all of the work in selling your home yourself, a real estate agent is a good idea. They can be the voice of reason during this emotional time. We often have so many memories and emotions tied to our homes that we don't always see their shortcomings. Conversely not everybody is aware of the real estate market and the values of homes in an area. A good realtor will help you set a fair price. Keep in mind that cosmetic changes do not have to be expensive. In fact, costly home improvements do not necessarily offer a good return on your investment when you sell. It's attention to the basics that says this home has been carefully maintained. That attention to details will help you get the price you want, even if you don't really want to sell the house.
2. What is a Mediation Strategist?         by Dr. Lynne C. Halem Frequently in divorce cases, one spouse wants an attorney and the other prefers a mediator. However, mediation cannot take place unless both parties are willing to mediate. For those individuals who want to mediate, but whose spouse refuses to participate in the process, there is an innovative solution - a mediation strategist. It is not uncommon for people to have personal trainers, personal life coaches, personal assistants, personal shoppers, personal beauty consultants, and so on. When facing a divorce, one of the most critical, life-changing events in a person's life, the advantages of having a mediation strategist to help guide you through the process are innumerable. The idea is to view the big picture and design creative settlements that are geared towards a win-win situation rather than 'May the spouse with the most aggressive divorce attorney win.' The objective is to use creative problem solving for generating proposals and responses to proposals that not only focus on a settlement that is fair to both parties but also are financially and emotionally workable. A Case Study Tom and Joanne were getting divorced. Joanne wanted to use a mediator and Tom wanted to get the most aggressive attorney he could find to avoid paying alimony. Joanne thought she had no choice but to find an equally aggressive attorney. She met with an attorney known for her no nonsense 'tough gal' approach. After the initial meeting, and receipt of Joanne's hefty retainer fee, the 'tough gal' stance appeared to vanish. Her attorney became reactive, waiting for Tom's lawyer's approach. Joanne became frustrated with her attorney's lack of initiative. Sensing her frustration, Joanne's friend recommended a mediation strategist. She discovered that with the guidance of a mediation strategist, she felt more empowered. Not only could she respond to Tom's attorney's one-sided proposals, she could also initiate proposals that would be beneficial to both parties, and most importantly, beneficial to her children. The end result was a divorce agreement that both spouses were able to live with, not to mention the savings in mental anguish and finances. For the online version of Dr. Halem's article go to: divorcehq.com/articles/strategist.shtml ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Lynne Halem, the director of Centre for Mediation and Dispute Resolution, Wellesley Hills, MA, has been serving as a mediation strategist for individuals who are reluctant to surrender their case and its direction to respective attorneys. With more than 22 years of mediation experience, Dr. Halem helps clients to view the big picture and design creative settlements that are geared towards a win-win situation. She can be contacted by phone at (781) 239-1600 or or Visit Web Site
3. Read All About It! If you have child support issues you may want to check out this book. Remember, child support collection is NOT a gender issue. "Your Divorce Advisor" by Diana Mercer, Marsha Kline Pruett Synopsis: A lawyer and psychologist offer a ground breaking divorce strategy that protects both your finances and your family. From your first thought of divorce through the final paperwork, Your Divorce Advisor takes you step by step toward a divorce that dissolves the marriage but not your dignity, your sense of family or your financial security. Whether you hire a lawyer, a mediator, or do it yourself, this practical, direct and empowering guide offers you the wise counsel you need for both the legal and emotional process of ending your marriage. Your Divorce Advisor shows you how to: Keep a healthy perspective that leads to a successful legal strategy and recognize when emotions threaten your case Protect your assets without destroying your family Use win/win divorce negotiations to avoid trial and reach an optimal settlement "Your Divorce Advisor" helps you set yourself and your family on a positive course towards a new life.
The Internet is an outstanding source to find books on a wide range of divorce topics. We have searched the Internet for you and have come up with a diversified collection of books that may help you through this trying time. These books are for men, women and children. There are books for each stage from beginning the divorce to recovery. Take a look at: DivorceHQ.com/divorcebooks.html If you are interested in books that you can download directly from the Internet, we have found those for you as well. Simply go to: DivorceHQ.com/onlinebooks.html
4. Humor "Congratulations, my boy!" said the uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," the groom protested. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's what I mean."     - Unknown Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.     - Unknown