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Issue #41July 2004
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Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have of trying to change others.
    - Jacob Braude



Don't forget to mention DivorceHQ.com when contacting the divorce professionals listed on the site.
In This Issue:
  1. Hiring an Attorney
  2. Dirty Divorce Tricks
        by Eric C. Nelson, Esquire
  3. Read All About It!
  4. Divorce Humor

1. Hiring an Attorney

After deciding to file for divorce, selecting an attorney is the next major decision you must make. This decision should not be made haphazardly. A lot of thought and research should go into this decision. The competency and work of your attorney will have a direct impact on you, your children, and your financial situation for years to come. You should use the same approach when choosing an attorney that an employer uses when selecting prospective employees. Interview them and check their references. Remember the attorney will be working for you, so choose carefully and choose wisely.

The attorney you hire should:
  • Be experienced in family law
  • Talk to you in plain English, not "legalese."
  • Be someone you trust and feel comfortable with. You may have to reveal highly personal information about yourself and your marriage.
  • Be someone who understands that if you have children their best interests will have to be a priority
When choosing an attorney don't base your hiring decision on which attorney has the fanciest office in an expensive building. This says nothing about the adequacy of a their legal skills. Finally, don't assume that just because an attorney has a high hourly rate that he or she is the best attorney. Be sure that the legal representation you get is appropriate to your needs and your individual situation.

For more information on hiring an attorney go to
DivorceHQ.com/attyhire.html
2. Dirty Divorce Tricks
        by Eric C. Nelson, Esquire


"Trial Separation"

Spouse #1"I still love you, but we need a trial separation or I'll have to divorce you immediately. Meanwhile, you go stay at the YMCA and leave me here in the home with the kids."
Spouse #2"I love you too. For the sake of our marriage, I'll do whatever it takes."

Several months later, Spouse #1 serves Spouse #2 with a Petition for Dissolution, seeking sole physical custody of the children and occupancy of the homestead. Spouse #1 argues that Spouse #2 "abandoned" them.

This one happens a lot - very sad and cruel.


"Forget What the Papers Say, I'll Do This or That"

Dupe signs the papers, and you know what happens next. There are various manifestations of this dirty trick, such as:
  • "Sign the papers giving me sole physical custody. You know I'll let you see the kids whenever you want."

  • "Give me custody this year, and then I'll let you have custody when the child starts school (or substitute some such future event or time frame)."

  • "Sign the papers withholding X amount of child support from your pay. I know it's too high, but I'll refund the difference."
Remember, "the papers" are always controlling. Your verbal side-agreements are totally unenforceable.

"Oh By the Way, Kid #3 Isn't Yours."

This one is rare, but happens. At the time of divorce, the father learns for the first time that one or more of the children he thought were his in fact were sired by his best friend, neighbor, co-worker, or some guy he's never heard of from the local pub. Sometimes this can cause problems obtaining custody, because if the real father obtains a paternity order, a major legal obstacle is created. Now the husband-father must either try to obtain custody of only his own biological children, which is unlikely given the strong case law against splitting up siblings, or he must try to get custody of all of the children, including those not his own, which is extra difficult when you're not the father.

For the the online version of Mr. Nelson's article go to: divorcehq.com/articles/dirtytricks.html



ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Eric C. Nelson has devoted his practice exclusively to family law, with particular focus on divorce and child custody matters, including, but not limited to post-decree modification of custody. Eric has successfully handled hundreds of cases of divorces (both contested and uncontested), child custody, child support, spousal maintenance, parenting time, out-of-state moves, domestic abuse, harassment, and other miscellaneous family law matters, both in and out of court. Mr. Nelson has been praised by clients for a respectful attitude, promptness and honesty.

He can be contacted by phone at (612)321-9402 or
or Visit Web Site

3. Read All About It!

If you have child support issues you may want to check out this book. Remember, child support collection is NOT a gender issue.

"Your Divorce Advisor" by Diana Mercer, Marsha Kline Pruett

Synopsis:
A lawyer and psychologist offer a groundbreaking divorce strategy that protects both your finances and your family. From your first thought of divorce through the final paperwork, Your Divorce Advisor takes you step by step toward a divorce that dissolves the marriage but not your dignity, your sense of family or your financial security. Whether you hire a lawyer, a mediator, or do it yourself, this practical, direct and empowering guide offers you the wise counsel you need for both the legal and emotional process of ending your marriage.

Your Divorce Advisor shows you how to:
  • Keep a healthy perspective that leads to a successful legal strategy and recognize when emotions threaten your case
  • Protect your assets without destroying your family
  • Use win/win divorce negotiations to avoid trial and reach an optimal settlement
"Your Divorce Advisor" helps you set yourself and your family on a positive course towards a new life.



The Internet is an outstanding source to find books on a wide range of divorce topics. We have searched the Internet for you and have come up with a diversified collection of books that may help you through this trying time. These books are for men, women and children. There are books for each stage from beginning the divorce to recovery. Take a look at: DivorceHQ.com/divorcebooks.html

If you are interested in books that you can download directly from the Internet, we have found those for you as well. Simply go to: DivorceHQ.com/onlinebooks.html
4. Humor

I just got back from a pleasure trip - I drove my wife to the airport.
    - Submitted anonymously




Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
    - Submitted by Ree Larkin
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