DIVORCE HEADQUARTERS NEWSLETTER       Issue #35           May 2003 Know someone else going through the process? If you think they could benefit from this newsletter feel free to pass it on in it's entirety to them. "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." - John Wooden Don't forget to mention DivorceHQ.com when contacting the divorce professionals listed on the site. In this Issue: Divorce Matters - Visitation Do's and Don'ts Matrimonial Jurisdiction for Aliens     By Catharine M. Venzon, Esquire Read All About It Divorce Humor 1. Divorce Matters - Visitation Do's and Don'ts For both parents and children, visitation is critical to maintaining a sense of connectedness both during and after a divorce. But in the early stages of family restructuring and co-parenting, it is frequently a source of conflict. If former spouses want revenge, finding ways to spoil a visitation is easy. If they want to help their children through a difficult transition, they will find ways to make visitation successful. For visitation to work, both parents need to accept and acknowledge that their children have two homes - one with their father and one with their mother. Parents need to make sure that their children are safe and comfortable in both places, even if they don't spend equal time there. They need to help make the transition from one home to the other smooth and calm. They also need to make sure they are being consistent in rules and discipline. Tips for Smooth Visitations Be as flexible as possible with schedules. Treat your former spouse with respect. Help children feel safe and comfortable in both homes. Develop routines to give children a sense of security. Maintain open communication lines with your former spouse. Don't question your children's loyalty. Help make the transition from one home to the other smooth and calm. Discuss rules and discipline with your former spouse so you are consistent. Visitation do's Be flexible about visitation schedules Make visitation a normal part of life Show respect for your former spouse and concern for your children. Visitation don'ts Don't refuse to communicate with your former spouse. Don't disrupt your children's relationship with their other parent. Don't allow your anger to affect your relationship with your children. Don't hurt your children by failing to show up for visitation or by being late. Don't spoil your children to buy their loyalty and love. Reprinted with permission from National Network for Child Care -NNCC. Oesterreich, L. (1996). Divorce matters series, Visitation do's and don'ts. [Pm 1641]. Ames, IA: Iowa State University Extension. The following is an excerpt from an article submitted by one of our professional members. For full text of all articles visit Divorcehq.com/articles.html 2. Matrimonial Jurisdiction for Aliens         Catharine M. Venzon, Esquire Many legal practitioners overlook the legal services that may be rendered to aliens in matrimonial situations. For purposes of this discussion, an alien is a non-citizen who is physically present in the U.S. without regard to his or her immigration status. Such alien may be here lawfully or unlawfully. Nationally, there are millions of aliens. These aliens can now have access to New York State Courts for matrimonial actions. The threshold problem confronting aliens desiring to pursue a matrimonial action in New York State is the ability to satisfy the term "residence," as set forth in Domestic Relations Law Sections 230 and 231, in order to enable the Court to obtain jurisdiction. When proper jurisdiction is found to exist, the defendant can be served anywhere in the world, pursuant to CPLR Sections 301 and 302. Traditionally, the term "residence" was equated with "domicile," incorporating within its meaning the intention to maintain a permanent home in the particular jurisdiction. This requisite intent of permanency conflicted with the temporary status of many aliens. It was questionable whether an alien on a temporary visa could, at the same time, possess the requisite intent to satisfy the requirements of DRL Sections 230 and 231. In Langlais v. Langalis, 90 Misc.2d 20, 393 N.Y.S.2d 292 (1997), the Court addressed this issue and the term "residence" was interpreted to mean, simply, "dwelling," regardless of future intent. The word "residence" in DRL Section 230 is not to be read as "domicile." The Courts need not look to the future intent of the parties. This more expansive interpretation has enlarged the jurisdiction of our Courts, thereby permitting aliens to maintain matrimonial actions and exercise their rights to our Courts. New Your Courts now consider immigration status as only one factor among many when evaluating jurisdiction. They explore the various relationships between the parties and the State, including but not limited to the marital residence, personal interests and marital affairs of the parties, even when residence and perhaps "domicile" remain in another country. DePena v. DePena, 31 AD 2d 415, 298 N.Y.S. 2d 199 (1969). For the full the online version of Ms. Venzon's article go to:http://www.divorcehq.com/articles/alienjurisdiction.shtml ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ms. Venzon established the law firm of Venzon Brockway, LLP in 1984. She has participated as a guest speaker at a recent Appellate Division Training Seminar. In addition, Ms. Venzon has appeared on public radio to discuss child support collection and other related issues. She can be contacted by phone at (716) 854-7888 or or Visit Web Site 3. Read All About It Are you considering divorce? Just filed for divorce? Has your spouse just told you they want a divorce? Maybe you are already divorced. Having the legalities behind you does not mean all your divorce issues are resolved; in fact, some of them may just be starting. Whatever stage you are in you are probably looking for information on the subject. Sir Francis Bacon said, "Knowledge is power." The Internet is an outstanding source to find books on a wide range of divorce topics. We have searched the Internet for you and have come up with a diversified collection of books that may help you through this trying time. These books are for men, women and children. There are books for each stage from beginning the divorce to recovery. Take a look. http://www.divorcehq.com/divorcebooks.html If you are interested in books that you can download directly from the Internet, we have found those for you as well. http://www.divorcehq.com/onlinebooks.html 4. HUMOR A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket." - unknown