1. Forgive and Forget
2. Ten things you need to do if divorce is imminent
       by Debra J. Braselton, Esquire
3. Divorce Humor

"Life Law # 9: There is power in forgiveness. Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you.

Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms, and even heart attacks.

Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.

Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself."

Becoming informed about your legal rights and responsibilities is the most crucial step in the divorce process. An experienced divorce attorney will be able to counsel you on the law as it applies to the facts of your situation and advise you on the best way to proceed (or not proceed!). One example is illustrative. You and your spouse are constantly fighting and the arguments are causing great distress to your children. Your spouse refuses to move out. You decide to take the children and live at your parents' house until the divorce is final, at which time you will move back to the marital home. From a legal point of view, moving to your parents' home, even temporarily, could be a huge mistake. This is just one of the many things a divorce attorney will discuss with you during a consultation.

A little planning goes a long way in this area because it is much more difficult to obtain these documents through discovery procedures at a later date. Go through the household files and make copies of everything you can find: tax returns, bank statements, check registers, investment statements, retirement account statements, employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, mortgage documents, financial statements, credit card statements, wills, social security statements, automobile titles, Etc. If your spouse is self-employed, it is important to get as much information about the finances of the business as possible. If you are unaware of the family finances and haven't yet discussed your plans for divorce, the best source of information may be your spouse. Suggest that you and your spouse do a financial statement so that you are both aware of the family finances. Don't forget to check the home computer as a source of financial information. Many people keep track of their finances using spreadsheets or budgeting software. Make copies of any financial data stored on your home computer.

You need not make an exhaustive list including every single kitchen utensil, but do list the major items: furniture, artwork, jewelry, appliances, automobiles, etc. Don't forget to check the storage areas of your home and your safe deposit box for valuables.

If possible, go through your check register for the past year and write down the cost of each utility, mortgage and other household expense for each month. Keep track of the cash you spend on a daily basis so that you'll be able to ascertain your monthly cash expenditures also. Knowledge of your household expenses is important at the beginning of the case, when temporary support is often an issue. It is also important during settlement of the case, when you will make a realistic appraisal of your ability to afford the home after divorce.

If possible, sit down and determine the amount of family debt and consider paying it down before divorce. Allocation of marital debt among divorcing spouses is one of the most difficult items to negotiate. The funds that were formerly available to support one household must now support two households and there is less money available to pay off debt. If you have the leisure of planning when you will initiate divorce proceedings, pay down marital debt before filing for divorce. Consider canceling credit cards if your spouse has a bad spending habit. This will, hopefully, minimize the financial damage that your spouse can do during the divorce. While taking stock of debt, determine whether any of the debt was incurred by one spouse or another prior to the date of marriage. This would be considered "non-marital debt" and it belongs to the spouse who incurred it.

Debra J. Braselton handles cases involving divorce, custody, visitation, domestic violence, guardianship and adoption in Cook, DuPage, Kane and surrounding Counties. She is an experienced family law attorney with a unique background and a career built around families. Her clients benefit from her experience and enjoy her unique sensitivity to the personal nature of their family law matters.

She can be contacted by phone at (630) 261-1222 or or Visit Web Site