Headquarters
|
DIVORCE HEADQUARTERS NEWSLETTER Issue #8, February 2001 DivorceHQ.com has grown tremendously since our official launch last year. We have added many new pages packed with useful information. In fact we will be adding a state-by-state Child Support Calculator to the site in the very near future. Watch your mailbox for the official launch of the calculators. We have been chosen the Editors Choice of DowJones.com for Divorce related information, as well as the Washington State Trial Lawyers web site resource for Family Law information on Divorce. Know someone else going through the process? If you think they could benefit from this newsletter feel free to pass it on to them. In this Issue:
1. Children Learn What they Live Most of us have seen or heard "Children Learn What They Live" by Dorothy Law Nolte, but have we really absorbed what that means? In case you've never heard it, you can read it below. Even if you have it's worth another read. After you read it ask yourself this question - "Do you love your children more than you hate your ex-spouse?" If you answered yes to that question then my next question would be "Are you setting a good example for your children by your actions?" Children Learn What They Live The following is an excerpt from an article submitted by one of our professional members. For full text of all articles visit http://Divorcehq.com/articles.html 2. Can You Have a Mediated Divorce If You Are Angry At Your Spouse? by Rachel Fishman Green, Esquire Anger is a normal feeling to have during a divorce. In fact, if you didn't feel angry there would probably be something very wrong. Usually, one person has been unhappy for a period of time preceding the divorce, and was angry during this time. When that person tells the other that he or she has decided to leave the marriage, the other is in shock and has to deal with lots of emotions - sorrow, fear and certainly anger. Whether you are the angry one or are dealing with an angry (ex) spouse, it's never easy. Anger often builds up without your knowing it - and if you are not aware of feeling angry, the anger will cause you (or your spouse) to lash out. Anger can be expressed in mediation and in fact, it is a valuable tool for a mediator to use to not only resolve the divorce, but also to help shape a better divorce agreement. In mediation anger is a clue that there is an important piece of information which has not yet been expressed, and which must be explored and understood. Anger tells me that someone has important needs which are not being met. When someone is angry I want to hear how they are feeling and I want to understand why they are angry. In mediation, anger gives us a key to use to shape a divorce agreement. If you could resolve all of these problems yourselves, you probably wouldn't be getting divorced. All couples have issues which feel overwhelming to one or both of you - which feel, as if they cannot be resolved - but that is not a fact, it is how you feel. Hopefully, you are coming to mediation to help this resolution come sooner, rather than later. I have seen people really transformed by the mediation process from the time when they first separate, when they are full of fear and don't know what their future will look like - and a year or so later, when all of the issues have been worked out and they have learned that they can survive and develop a new, full and satisfying life independent of their former spouse. If the feelings are too painful, I will offer people the choice not to speak to each other directly. If someone is very angry, they may prefer to speak to me rather than to their spouse. We may need to take a break from mediation - sometimes for a few weeks - until the person starts to work through the anger and feel better. I may have some separate meetings with the angry person to help them explore their options and understand what is at the core of the anger - usually as part of a joint session in which I would also meet with the spouse to get his or her input on how to meet the needs of the angry person so that we can move through and work with the anger. For full the version of Ms. Green's article including how she successfully handled an angry spouse mediation case, go to: http://www.divorcehq.com/articles/angryatyourspouse.html ABOUT THE AUTHOR Rachel Fishman Green, Esq. is an attorney with seven years of experience as a divorce mediator and ten years of experience as an attorney. 3. How Can I Find Out If I'm Divorced? We get so many emails every day from people asking "How can I find out if I'm divorced?" In order to get a copy of your divorce decree you must contact the vital statistics office in the county or state in which you were divorced. Be sure to have the following information available when you are making your request:
4. HUMOR One of our members sent us this one. We thought we'd pass it on to you..... I bought my freedom...I pay alimony! Maybe that will make it a little easier to write next month's check. |
THIS WEB SITE IS PROVIDED FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
Do not take any actions based upon the information contained within this web site without first consulting an attorney or an appropriate professional depending upon the content of the information.
Developed and created by
JT Spaulding Associates