DIVORCE HEADQUARTERS NEWSLETTER       Issue #4,     October 2000 The theme of this month's newsletter is thinking. During the stressful time of divorce we often think with everything but our head! In this Issue: Arguments Domestic Abuse     by Maury D. Beaulier, Esquire From the Office of Child Support Enforcement Divorce Humor 1. ARGUMENTS Thought provoking quote ... "I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to." Try not to get sucked into arguments with your ex or soon to be ex-spouse. Stop to think before you react. Consider counting to ten before you respond to an argument provoking statement (which during divorce can seem like every statement made by your ex.) If you can take a deep breath before answering you'll have a minute to think about what you're going to say. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day? Arguing is harmful for everyone involved. Read on and see what the kids have to say. You will see that they don't like it. What Kids Say About Divorce.... Here's something to think about, when young children were asked to finish this sentence..."If I could make a wish about divorce, I would wish" Here's how a few answered: There was no such thing as divorce - Adam, age 8 There could be something that would stop the divorce - Victor, age 8 I could have the same thing at each parent's home - Alyssa, age 8 I wasn't sad - Katherine, age 9 There would be no more fighting - Katherine, age 6 To live at one house with everyone there - Cameron, age 6 The following are excerpts from articles submitted by our professional members. For full text of the article visit http://Divorcehq.com/articles.html 2. DOMESTIC ABUSE               by Maury D. Beaulier, Esquire Domestic Abuse is a serious issue. Under Minnesota Statutes, domestic abuse is an offense that is carried out by an adult who is now or used to be married to the victim, who is a parent to the victim, who is unmarried to, but who lives or used to live with the victim, or who is parent to a minor or an unborn child. Despite the fact that the domestic abuse process is sometimes abused with fabrications occurring in order to gain advantage in family law proceedings, facts and statistics clearly indicate that strong laws are necessary. SOME STATISTICS: According to the United States Department of Justice during each year women were the victims of more than 4.5 million violent crimes, including approximately 500,000 rapes or other sexual assaults. In 29 percent of the violent crimes against women by lone offenders the perpetrators were intimates--husbands, former husbands, boyfriends or former boyfriends. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, Report to the nation on Crime and Justice. The Data. Washington DC Office of Justice Program, US Dept. of Justice. Oct 1983) Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between ages 15 and 44 in the united States - more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. (Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991) Battered women are more likely to suffer miscarriages and to give birth to babies with low birth weights. (Surgeon General, United States, 1992). "One in five women victimized by their spouses or ex-spouses report they had been victimized over and over again by the same person." The Basics of Batterer Treatment, Common Purpose, Inc., Jamaica Plain, MA) Women of all cultures, races, occupations, income levels, and ages are battered - by husbands, boyfriends, lovers and partners. (Surgeon General Antonia Novello, as quoted in Domestic Violence: Battered Women, publication of the Reference Department of the Cambridge Public Library, Cambridge, MA) For full the version of Mr. Beaulier's article including options available and Orders For Protection go to: http://www.divorcehq.com/articles/domesticabuse.html ABOUT THE AUTHOR Maury D. Beaulier is the founder of The Beaulier Law Office which has developed a large and active family law practice dedicated to providing each family law client with detailed information about every element of their case. He can be contacted by phone at (952)746-2153 or or Visit Web Site 3. FROM THE OFFICE OF CHILD SUPPORT ENFORCEMENT The following is an excerpt from the OCSE "Handbook on Child Support Enforcement: Giving Hope and Support to America's Children" The Child Support Enforcement (CSE) Program is a Federal/State/local partnership to collect child support: we are committed to sending the strongest possible message that parents cannot walk away from their children. Our goals are to ensure that children have the financial support of both their parents, to foster responsible behavior towards children, and to reduce welfare costs. The CSE Program was established in 1975 as Title IV-D of the Social Security Act. It functions in all States and territories, through the State/county Social Services Department, Attorney General's Office or Department of Revenue. Most States work with prosecuting attorneys, other law enforcement agencies, and officials of family or domestic relations courts to carry out the program at the local level. ...We believe that child support enforcement provides hope as well as support to America's children. We dedicate this Handbook to the millions of parents who put their children first by responsibly providing for their emotional and financial support. For a copy of the handbook you can write to: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families Office of Child Support Enforcement Washington, D.C. 20447 4. HUMOR Husbands need to be asked to do something three times. The first time we don't even hear you and the second time we don't think you mean it. Dennis Miller